Slacking

I know I have been slacking on this. It sucks.

So much to catch up on. 

 Our house is sold, just waiting on a closing date from the bank.

Our new house should be getting a start today.

Our land deal is STILL not done-waiting on some paperwork from seller. Sick of waiting.

 Our house got hit by a car at 2am about a month ago-so that's been very stressful dealing with the insurance companies.

Packing is going slow-I did pack a whole trailer worth, but it's come to a halt at the moment.

I am ready for spring.

 

 

So last night as we were watching "The Bible" I was in total awe.  The program was showing when Jesus walked down to meet John the Baptist as he was baptizing people in the water. I swear my heart almost stopped beating as I thought about the feeling I would have looking into the face of Jesus for the first time.

 What a glorious day that will be!!

I got a true relaxed feeling overwhelm me as I watched, thinking of that moment. Even as I think of it now, tears fill my eyes, and joy fills my heart. Oh what a day it's going to be when I see the face of God! He has helped me  through so much in  my life, and I just praise him for his never ending love!!

 

Easter is my favorite time of year, I have decided that. I always thought it was Christmas, but I think Easter really is #1 in my heart.  The newness of it all-knowing what Jesus did for us on that cross-knowing my sins are washed clean if all I do is ask. Jesus lives in my heart and He is there to stay!!

Love my boy so much!

So, yesterday  as I was going through Ryder's school papers  I come across a brochure for a summer camp. He asked me what it is, so I continue to read it to him. There is a camp for 6-8 year olds {beginners} that is only 3 days long. I tell him that we would take him {it's an hour drive from our house} and leave him there and there are camp counselors and lots of other kids.

He  BROKE DOWN. He laid his head on the table and just burst into tears-"I can't be gone from you and Dad for 3 days!!"

My poor little boy must take after his mama-I never wanted to be gone either. He's such a softy. I personally don't like going places without Quay {longer than a day or so that is}, after I am gone I just feel like half of me is missing.

So glad my little boy still likes being with us. :)

It's 2013 already!!

So, it's been over 2 months since I sat down and typed on here. Figure I better get with it. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's eve are all over. They went too fast but were spent with family so all is good. Quay and I had Influenza A the week before Christmas. Oh what fun that was {no-NOT really}.  Ryder got everything he wanted this year from Santa. He was over the moon! Santa finally came through. Quay and I bought cross country skis for Christmas. We had a lot of fun doing it, but now the snow is rock hard, so we need to wait for some powder again.

On to the new year-2013. Wow-seems like it was just 1999! Oh boy. So our land deal still isn't finalized. Still waiting on the deed and abstract. But-we have a builder and are narrowing down the specifics on the build. We plan to start picking out specific things for the house in a couple of weeks. It all makes me a little anxious-so many decisions!

Life in general has been busy. Oakley keeps me occupied at least 4 days a week, he is getting to where I can put him in his bouncy seat though and he just watches me work. Who knew taking care of a baby is so time consuming? I guess I have forgotten since Ryder was that little.

I am trying to get our house in shape to put it up for sale. Not sure how I am doing yet. I cleaned our bedroom yesterday from top to bottom (except the closet). I have done a few things in Ryder's room, but that has a long ways to go. I just want it to look neat and orderly-oh and clean!

Life as it is

Oh life why must you go so fast. Before I know it I will be old and grey. Oh wait....life...slow down! We don't want that yet!

 

So October has come and gone. It was a very warm month, so fall was extended somewhat. I took Ryder to the pumpkin patch. Quay wasn't able to go with, so Steven tagged along. We did a little shopping later and went out for lunch. We ended it with a visit to Andy and Shelly's house.  It was a very fun day! I love spending time with my boys! (yes-Steven is considered one of "my boys" since he's my brother) I have a lot of boys in my life and I love them all!!

 

What a beautiful morning sunrise!!



 

Andy and Shelly had their 2nd annual Halloween party. Last year we didn't make it, but this year I went. We watched a movie and played a game...Halloween style. It was a great time with all my siblings (minus my husband who had to work).

 

We got a pumpkin carved, my boys cleaned it out and I did the face carving. So it was a team effort!  The next day was halloween. I helped out for Ryder's class party-what a great group of children. They all love to tell you interesting things! I just love kids! Ryder decided this year he wanted to be a Ghostbuster. Those are his favorite movies!  So many kids didn't know what he was-I guess they don't watch the classics. Ha! Trick or treating that evening was a chill-fest as normal. We all dressed appropriately and were still cold. But, lots of candy was given (and we still have a lot!)

 

 

 

My Halloween party attire for the 1st grade party! :) 

 

 

It's now November, and the snow has come. This was a beautiful snowfall-big flakes! I love snow-but only for a month or two. Unfortunately here in North Dakota we aren't that lucky.

 



Fall wreaths

 

So, I have been busy lately making my fall wreath.

I used a pool noodle from the Dollar Tree for the wreath itself.

I wrapped it in yarn, then made all my own flowers. They are made from old clothes or fabric remnants that I had. Some of the clothes were my grandpa's old shirts.

 

After I finished it, and my mom said she loved it, I decided to make her one as well.

For mom's I wrapped the pool noodle in fabric, and again made all my own flowers from the same fabrics. I thought it would be fitting to have some of her dad's old shirts on her wreath as well.

 

 

Then I also made one for my mother-in-law.

I wrapped this one in fabric as well and made the flowers out of fabric she picked out.

 

I was a busy lady for a week!



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Oh boy!!

Well, so many things have happened where do I start?

 

The big news first I guess....I am a new auntie!! My sister in law had the baby on Sept 25th. A BOY!!

He is so absolutely adorable. His name is Oakley. And he is coming to stay at my house in one month while mama and daddy are at work.

He had to stay in the hospital a little longer than normal, but he's been home for a couple weeks now and adjusting well according to his mama.

 Look at that precious face!

 I got some snuggle time in while he was in the hospital

 Proud new uncle...aka my hubby

 Ryder and his new cousin

The little mama and her new boy.

 

 

Okay-so fall has set in here in ND. Ryder made some leaf piles a couple weeks ago. It's his annual tradition to rake and jump. Good thing he did it before we had the hurricane force winds for the last 2 days!!

 

 

We had a wedding last weekend. My cousin married her sweetheart. It was a lot of fun and of course a good family photo op!

 

 

Quay bought Ryder a truck. Definitely a fixer-upper. But they have several years to get to it. Ryder loves it!!

 

 

Quay turned 34 on Tuesday of this week. He has caught up to me again. Hehe. I still feel young, so that's all that counts right?

 What's a birthday without goofy pictures?

Ain't he handsome!

 

Oh and the other big news.....I chopped off all my hair. I needed a change. If you have made it through most of my post, you maybe noticed in our family pic above. But here's one from today, didn't put on much makeup and did minimal styling, but it still looks pretty good.

 

I wish

I am still battling with the inftertility "demons". 

I can say I am past it, but I am not.

 I can put on a happy face, but inside it's eating me alive.

 I can say I won't go through IVF again, but I would.

I can say, no adoption isn't for us, but I think it could be.

 

When will this go away?  This feeling like I am incompetant as a woman because I can't have a baby, with or without medical intervention. It has always seemed like the easiest thing in the world-people have babies everyday. Until now.

 Why me? I have so much love to give, and I think my son is getting smothered with it (not that that's a bad thing).

 

why why why why why

That is what goes through my head over and over and over. I get no answer.

I see a woman carrying a baby, or a woman with 3-4-5 kids and think--why can she have so many and I can't be blessed with the "pregnant" gene.

I don't curse these women-I envy them. I wish I could be like them-fertile.

 

Then I hear or read about a women complaining about being pregnant and think-REALLY!! You have been blessed with a new life-what is wrong with you!!? Do you know how many women wish they could get pregnant and here you are complaining about it!!?

 

I pray, almost daily, that God would give us another child.

Do I feel like my prayers are unanswered?....yes, I do.

Do I feel shameful about this because I already have a beautiful son who is the best child anyone could ask for?...yes, I do.

 

Why do we always want more in life?

Why isn't what I have good enough?

Why is life so full of heartache?

why why why why...there they go again

 

I just wish, hope, pray, long, yearn for a new life to be growing inside me. Please.